I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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