Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
