I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Floor bacon is actually really good
I forget how to act sober
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize