Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
