if you like me you must not know who I am
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
