Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
