Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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