and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
We smell like vodka and hangover
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