Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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