I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
