I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
