escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
