she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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