I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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