but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
