u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
