M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Randomize
