it wasn't lemon gatorade
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
