i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize