Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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