I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
