I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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