i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
