saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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