what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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