a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
