im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
