you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
