in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
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