false alarm. still invincible.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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