she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
