Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
