I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
