It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
