We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
it hurts more in the daytime
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
