Will you blow on my dice?
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
