2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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