this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
