porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You left your phone here
Wait...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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