...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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