wakey wakey hands off snakey
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Dicks are not precious.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
