Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
