I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
