i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
