I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
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