I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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