Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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