If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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