My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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