How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
