he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
