therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
