i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
