You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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