Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I think my moral compass just broke
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