it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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