walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
is it fun? or sober?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
