I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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