I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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