At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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