ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
