After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
