i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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