He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
