ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I AM VODKA MAN
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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