I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
