I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
