Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
