Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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