so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
