i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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