Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize