Michael Bay diarrhea
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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