Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
