the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
