I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
