dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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