A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
