you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
