he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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